Good-byes

Bad news. Michael's computer crashed and everything on it was lost. We tried to recover what we could, that is why it's been so long without an update, but there was nothing we could do. Because of this, we have decided to let this site go. We won't delete the site, but we won't be posting anymore.

To those of you who knew Michael and continued to follow this blog, thank you. Your caring and understanding helped us through a difficult time. We wish you all the best and hope that your lives continue to be filled with love and happiness.

Blessings be upon you and may you always walk with sun in your hearts.

Gayle.

For the music lover

Another of Mike's creations. Sung to the tune of "You Make Me Feel Like Dancing"



You've got a face like a train wreckI try to stop can't look away
You bat your eyes and I'm falling
Got my head hanging in the bowl
My head starts to spin you know
Here come the heaves you know

You make me feel like puking
I'm gonna puke the night away
You make me feel like puking
I'm gonna puke the night away
You make me feel like puking
I feel like puking puking puke the night away
I feel like puking puking ugh

Heaving at four in the morning
Can't take no more no no no no no
Just go away and turn off the light
Cause I can't take no more now
You've got a smell I see
I'm already down on my knees

You make me feel like puking
I'm gonna puke the night away
You make me feel like puking
I'm gonna puke the night away
You make me feel like puking
I feel like puking puking puke the night away
I feel like puking puking

I'm so damn tired
I wish I'd just expire

You make me feel like puking
I'm gonna puke the night away
You make me feel like puking
I'm gonna puke the night away
You make me feel like puking
I feel like puking puking puke the night away
I feel like puking puking puke the night away
I feel like puking puking puke the night away
I feel like puking puking ugh

Someone give me a potion
I want to crawl out the door
Non-stop dizzying motion
I just can't take anymore
And if you try to stay
I'll puke my life away

You make me feel like puking
I gonna puke my life away
You make me feel like puking
I gonna puke my life away
You make me feel like puking
I gonna puke my life away
I feel
You make me feel like puking


James

Favorite cook-off

One of Mike's favorite foods was chili. This was also one of his favorite chili jokes.

The Chili Cook-off
Recently I was honored to be selected as an Outstanding Famous Celebrity in my Community to be a judge at a chili cook-off because no one else wanted to do it. Also the original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted this as being one of those burdens you endure when you're an Internet writer and therefore known and adored by all. Here are the scorecards from the event:

Chili # 1: Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili
JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.
JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor Very mild.
CAMERON: Holy smokes, what is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway with it. Took me two beers to put the flames out. Hope that's the worst one. These people are crazy.

Chili # 2: Arthur's Afterburner Chili
JUDGE ONE: Smoky (barbecue?) with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.
JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
CAMERON: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. Shoved my way to the front of the beer line. The barmaid looks like a professional wrestler after a bad night. She was so irritated over my gagging sounds that the snake tattoo under her eye started to twitch. She has arms like Popeye and a face like Winston Churchill. I will NOT pick a fight with her.

Chili # 3: Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili
JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans.
JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of red peppers.
CAMERON: This has got to be a joke. Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been sneezing Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now and got out of my way so I could make it to the beer wagon. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. She said her friends call her "Sally." Probably behind her back they call her "Forklift."

Chili # 4: Bubba's Black Magic
JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
JUDGE TWO: A hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
CAMERON: I felt something scraping across my tongue but was unable to taste it. Sally was standing behind me with fresh refills so I wouldn't have to dash over to see her. When she winked at me her snake sort of coiled and uncoiled--it's kinda cute.

Chili # 5: Linda's Legal Lip Remover
JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
CAMERON: My ears are ringing and I can no longer focus my eyes. I belched and four people in front of me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed hurt when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. Sort of irritates me that one of the other judges asked me to stop screaming.

Chili # 6: Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety
JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers.
JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
CAMERON: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except Sally. I asked if she wants to go dancing later.

Chili # 7: Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili
JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef threw in canned chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am a bit worried about Judge Number 3, he appears to be in a bit of distress.
CAMERON: You could put a hand grenade in my mouth and pull the pin and I wouldn't feel it. I've lost the sight in one eye and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My clothes are covered with chili which slid unnoticed out of my mouth at some point. Good, at autopsy they'll know what killed me. Go Sally, save yourself before it's too late. Tell our children I'm sorry I was not there to conceive them. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful and I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air I'll just let it in through the hole in my stomach. Call the X-Files people and tell them I've found a super nova on my tongue.

Chili # 8: Helen's Mount Saint Chili
JUDGE ONE: This final entry is a good, balanced chili, neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 fell and pulled the chili pot on top of himself.
JUDGE TWO: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili, safe for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
CAMERON: Momma?

Swimming

This is a post that Mike never published. It was completed and in a folder marked “to post” along with several others. I'm not sure what order they were written in, but I decided to post this one first. ~ James.


Ever make a comment jokingly and then realize that you would actually do what ever it was if you had the chance. Well, maybe not exactly what you said, but something similar or in the same spirit.

I left a comment on someones journal the other day about swimming across the ocean. After thinking about it I realized that, while not the best swimmer in the world, I would be tempted to travel across the ocean to meet someone. If it were not for the fact that I am a pretty big coward when it comes to meeting other people, especially people that I might like, I could have a really good social life. I guess I'm just too used to being alone.

Oh, well. The romantic side rears its head and is swiftly beat back down like an errant mole. Whack!!

After discussing what to do at some length, we have decided to use this space to post Michael's various writings. Whether they are past entries from his former journal or things that he did as his personal writings.

We all agree that it is the most fitting use of this site, and it would seem that many of you agree. Hopefully this will help some of you get to know him a little better, some of us have learned a few things that we did not know either.

Blessings be upon you and may you always walk with sun in your hearts.


Gayle.

It seems like there is more bad news every time one of us comes here to up date. This time it's not too bad.

We were out of the country for a while tending to business and last requests. There was a not so last minute change to the place we went to scatter Michael's ashes. James thought that instead of just spreading them at sea, we should actually go scuba diving and placed them in a specific spot.

Well, that's what we did, and James managed to get an ear infection as a result of the dive. He is still sick and says it's Michael's way of getting back at him for changing the plans a little. Good thing it is one of Michael's favorite spots or James would have gotten shellfish poisoning or something else like that.

That explains some of the time with no updates. We still have not decided what to do with the blog, it is something that we have kind of avoided to be honest. When James is up and about and feeling well we will be discussing what to do. We want to let you know how much it has meant to us that you have continued checking in to find out what has been happening. In doing so you have, in a way, blessed us and honor Michael's memory. Without having meet him in person you still became his friends.

Blessings be upon you and may you always walk with sun in your hearts.


Gayle.

In Memoria

On Wednesday there is going to be a small service for Mike. After that we will be going on a cruise on the Pacific in order to fulfill Mike's final wishes. A thousand miles away from any land we will scatter his ashes at sea along with one white rose.

We have discussed what we might do with this blog. He gave us permission to do what we want with it, but we aren't sure what would be appropriate. We have considered doing the following:

*Posting a farewell message and then leaving it as it is.

*Periodically posting some of his writing.

*Posting our memories and other things about Mike as kind of an ongoing remembrance.

Because he chose to share his thoughts and life with you, we would like for you to let us know what you would like to see happen with this blog. If you prefer any of the ideas we have, or if you have any other ideas or thoughts, we would appreciate hearing them.

Mike touched more people than he thought, and we believe that those he touched should help us decide how to honor his memory.

_

*

Michael died at 12:18pm today. It doesn't seem real.
Thank-you all for your prayers and concern, your support shows how many people he touched.

Michael Rogers

01/27/1970 - 02/13/2009

Go with our love.

___

Update

Thank-you for your messages of support and hope for Mike. It is comforting to know that there are so many people who are concerned for him.
Mike was seriously injured in a car crash. It was a deliberate act, not an accident. He sustained very serious internal injuries as well as an injury to his head. At this point he is in a coma and the doctors are telling us that there is no telling how long it will last or if he will even survive. He is hooked up to who knows how many monitors and has a breathing tube. The doctors say there is no way to know how damaging the head injury is until he regains consciousness. All we can do at this point is pray and hope that he comes out of this with as few long term effects as possible.
Again, thank-you for your concern and we will try to keep you updated on how he is doing.

The person you know as eo-per-nex, his real name is Mike, is a close friend of mine. On Wednesday night he tried to kill himself. He is still alive but is in really bad condition and they don't know if he is going to make it. This was on his computer when we turned it on tonight. I haven't changed it.



Please post this to my blog.


I know that most people aren't going to understand why I decided to do what I have done. I'm not going to list out my reasons or in some way attempt to persuade anyone to agree with my reasoning, passed experience tells me not to try. What I will say is this: I am tired, more tired than I have ever felt before in my life and I don't want to feel this way any more. There will be people who will be angry with me for doing this, I hope they don't let that affect how they live their lives.

I have had the opportunity to glimpse parts of peoples lives through their journals/blogs and I want to thank you for allowing me into your world. To those of you who read my posts, I apologize for not being more honest with you. I didn't make up anything I wrote, I just didn't tell the whole story. I hope you will forgive me.

There are a few people I want to say something to individually.

becomingkate – I read you on journalspace and you were the first one to find my blog here. I truly hope things work out for you and your family.

Sacrificial-Doll – You prove that day-to-day life can be interesting and that the Victoria's Secret catalogue is not nearly as good as the real thing.

Drew's Bird – Carla, I hope things go better for you. To me you were the Lioness, no matter where you blogged.

morphinekisses – I liked reading your post because I really liked your attitude towards the stupidity that sometimes defines the human race: fuck 'em if they don't like it or don't get it. You are true to yourself and make no excuses for your attitude. I can't think of a better kind of person to raise a child in the world today.

ctmedz – Robin, you were the first person to welcome me to journalspace. You always offered your support when I was having a tough time, no matter how difficult the thing you were going through. You are one of the strongest people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. I wish I had known you longer.

Lone Groover – I honestly don't remember how I came across you spot on journalspace, but I added it to my favorites list after the first time I read it. After the mess you were dragged through by your ex you still had enough love in you to share it with a woman 5000 miles away.

Doug – Your journal was the first one I left a comment on. I still remember the picture, a black & white of old wooden piles sticking up just above the surface of the lake. That was the first of I don't know how many pictures you posted that I thought were amazing. You have an incredible talent for capturing images that draw people into a world they may not otherwise get to see. A thousand words fall far short of what your images say.

Fake-brunette – I didn't come across your journal until later this past summer after you left a comment on one of my rant posts. You became a pretty regular reader and poster after that and I read you journal as part of my regular daily journal check. After the crash in December I was disappointed when I couldn't find a new blog by you. I was quite happy when I discovered where you were hiding. I wish I could have meet you in person, I have no doubt that you are just as beautiful as I imagined you are, if not more so. I hope you find the peace and happiness that you rightfully deserve.

That's all. I have given one of my friends the login and password for this page and all of my published and unpublished writing. I have given him permission to post whatever he feels should be posted as well as anything thing else he wants to share.

eo-per-nex

Just a short nap.

When I started this new blog I wasn't very fond of the templates, but I actually like this one now. The colour and style have a late 1800's feel to them that I like. And since this is a new blog it should be different from the one I had on JournalSpace. I actually rewrote the code for my old template to work here but I'm not going to use it. This one also fits better with the mood of my life right now.
My life right now. It feels like it's spiraling out of control and everything I do just seems to make things worse. It feels like the last time I fell, and that's not good. Last time I fell I hit rock bottom, I hit hard and I don't know if I can survive a second time. And if I do how scarred will I be afterward. The scars I have now, both physical and emotional, are hard to carry sometimes.
What I need is rest. Not just normal rest, but rest for my whole being. As Hamlet said:

“To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;

For in that sleep of death what dreams may come

When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,

Must give us pause: there's the respect

That makes calamity of so long life”

I just don't want the death part, I've had enough of that in my life as well.

I don't know if I'm coming or going.

I had a conversation with a friend about my journal. In the course of that conversation I was persuaded to not give it up. This was echoed by another friend in a separate conversation. So, in the interest of keeping my friends happy and not letting the chaos that has invaded my life to take over, I am going to keep posting.
One of my friends told me that, with things seeming to go crazy with bits of my life flying off in random directions, maybe I need this outlet more than I realize. Maybe she's right. I guess there's only one way to find out.
Time to see how many more skeletons are hiding in the closet.

And So It Goes

I have come to what seems to be an inevitable decision. I have become increasingly dissatisfied with journaling/blogging since the JournalSpace collapse in December. I just don't seem to get the same feeling from it anymore. Because of this feeling I will not be updating my blog. I am not going to delete it in case I decide to come back to it, but I will let it go dormant. I may check other people's pages from time to time, but those will most likely be rare events.

To those who read my posts and commented on occasions, thanks for stepping into my life for whatever brief moments you could. To those who's journals I read, thanks for giving me a little window into your lives.

My best wishes to all of you.


eo-per-nex

Time Flies

I didn't realize that it has been a week since my last post. I still haven't been able to get back into the habit of checking blogs and posting to mine. Add in the things that I'm dealing with in my day-to-day life and I just don't seem to have the time and/or motivation. What a mess things can seem to become sometimes.

Interior Decorator Needed

I have decided to keep posting. Part of what bothers me about blogger is the layout, patterns and colours of the templates. So last night I started digging through the code and changing things to match what I want it to look like. It may take me a few days to actually get things uploaded due to my current school/work schedule, but things will be changed.
Now if the guys in dark suits and sunglasses would stop following me around...

Damned if I do, damned if I don't.

When I set this up I was sure that I would get back to posting entries pretty much like I had before. Now I'm not so sure. Maybe it's the fact that this is a new site or that most of the people I kept up on are now scattered across several different sites. I can't just pick up from where I left off, it's not the same. I feel like I'm starting over from the beginning and I don't want to. This feels far more different than I thought it would and I'm not sure I like it. One thing I am sure of is that I need time to think about all this.

JS Refugee

Just another JS refugee who has found a new place to settle. I will most likely just continue on from the point I was at on journalspace. I'll also post my old JS entries from time to time to make this a true continuation of my previous blog.