Saturday, January 31, 2009

Just a short nap.

When I started this new blog I wasn't very fond of the templates, but I actually like this one now. The colour and style have a late 1800's feel to them that I like. And since this is a new blog it should be different from the one I had on JournalSpace. I actually rewrote the code for my old template to work here but I'm not going to use it. This one also fits better with the mood of my life right now.
My life right now. It feels like it's spiraling out of control and everything I do just seems to make things worse. It feels like the last time I fell, and that's not good. Last time I fell I hit rock bottom, I hit hard and I don't know if I can survive a second time. And if I do how scarred will I be afterward. The scars I have now, both physical and emotional, are hard to carry sometimes.
What I need is rest. Not just normal rest, but rest for my whole being. As Hamlet said:
“To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life”
I just don't want the death part, I've had enough of that in my life as well.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

I don't know if I'm coming or going.

I had a conversation with a friend about my journal. In the course of that conversation I was persuaded to not give it up. This was echoed by another friend in a separate conversation. So, in the interest of keeping my friends happy and not letting the chaos that has invaded my life to take over, I am going to keep posting.
One of my friends told me that, with things seeming to go crazy with bits of my life flying off in random directions, maybe I need this outlet more than I realize. Maybe she's right. I guess there's only one way to find out.
Time to see how many more skeletons are hiding in the closet.