It seems like there is more bad news every time one of us comes here to up date. This time it's not too bad.

We were out of the country for a while tending to business and last requests. There was a not so last minute change to the place we went to scatter Michael's ashes. James thought that instead of just spreading them at sea, we should actually go scuba diving and placed them in a specific spot.

Well, that's what we did, and James managed to get an ear infection as a result of the dive. He is still sick and says it's Michael's way of getting back at him for changing the plans a little. Good thing it is one of Michael's favorite spots or James would have gotten shellfish poisoning or something else like that.

That explains some of the time with no updates. We still have not decided what to do with the blog, it is something that we have kind of avoided to be honest. When James is up and about and feeling well we will be discussing what to do. We want to let you know how much it has meant to us that you have continued checking in to find out what has been happening. In doing so you have, in a way, blessed us and honor Michael's memory. Without having meet him in person you still became his friends.

Blessings be upon you and may you always walk with sun in your hearts.


Gayle.

In Memoria

On Wednesday there is going to be a small service for Mike. After that we will be going on a cruise on the Pacific in order to fulfill Mike's final wishes. A thousand miles away from any land we will scatter his ashes at sea along with one white rose.

We have discussed what we might do with this blog. He gave us permission to do what we want with it, but we aren't sure what would be appropriate. We have considered doing the following:

*Posting a farewell message and then leaving it as it is.

*Periodically posting some of his writing.

*Posting our memories and other things about Mike as kind of an ongoing remembrance.

Because he chose to share his thoughts and life with you, we would like for you to let us know what you would like to see happen with this blog. If you prefer any of the ideas we have, or if you have any other ideas or thoughts, we would appreciate hearing them.

Mike touched more people than he thought, and we believe that those he touched should help us decide how to honor his memory.

_

*

Michael died at 12:18pm today. It doesn't seem real.
Thank-you all for your prayers and concern, your support shows how many people he touched.

Michael Rogers

01/27/1970 - 02/13/2009

Go with our love.

___

Update

Thank-you for your messages of support and hope for Mike. It is comforting to know that there are so many people who are concerned for him.
Mike was seriously injured in a car crash. It was a deliberate act, not an accident. He sustained very serious internal injuries as well as an injury to his head. At this point he is in a coma and the doctors are telling us that there is no telling how long it will last or if he will even survive. He is hooked up to who knows how many monitors and has a breathing tube. The doctors say there is no way to know how damaging the head injury is until he regains consciousness. All we can do at this point is pray and hope that he comes out of this with as few long term effects as possible.
Again, thank-you for your concern and we will try to keep you updated on how he is doing.

The person you know as eo-per-nex, his real name is Mike, is a close friend of mine. On Wednesday night he tried to kill himself. He is still alive but is in really bad condition and they don't know if he is going to make it. This was on his computer when we turned it on tonight. I haven't changed it.



Please post this to my blog.


I know that most people aren't going to understand why I decided to do what I have done. I'm not going to list out my reasons or in some way attempt to persuade anyone to agree with my reasoning, passed experience tells me not to try. What I will say is this: I am tired, more tired than I have ever felt before in my life and I don't want to feel this way any more. There will be people who will be angry with me for doing this, I hope they don't let that affect how they live their lives.

I have had the opportunity to glimpse parts of peoples lives through their journals/blogs and I want to thank you for allowing me into your world. To those of you who read my posts, I apologize for not being more honest with you. I didn't make up anything I wrote, I just didn't tell the whole story. I hope you will forgive me.

There are a few people I want to say something to individually.

becomingkate – I read you on journalspace and you were the first one to find my blog here. I truly hope things work out for you and your family.

Sacrificial-Doll – You prove that day-to-day life can be interesting and that the Victoria's Secret catalogue is not nearly as good as the real thing.

Drew's Bird – Carla, I hope things go better for you. To me you were the Lioness, no matter where you blogged.

morphinekisses – I liked reading your post because I really liked your attitude towards the stupidity that sometimes defines the human race: fuck 'em if they don't like it or don't get it. You are true to yourself and make no excuses for your attitude. I can't think of a better kind of person to raise a child in the world today.

ctmedz – Robin, you were the first person to welcome me to journalspace. You always offered your support when I was having a tough time, no matter how difficult the thing you were going through. You are one of the strongest people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. I wish I had known you longer.

Lone Groover – I honestly don't remember how I came across you spot on journalspace, but I added it to my favorites list after the first time I read it. After the mess you were dragged through by your ex you still had enough love in you to share it with a woman 5000 miles away.

Doug – Your journal was the first one I left a comment on. I still remember the picture, a black & white of old wooden piles sticking up just above the surface of the lake. That was the first of I don't know how many pictures you posted that I thought were amazing. You have an incredible talent for capturing images that draw people into a world they may not otherwise get to see. A thousand words fall far short of what your images say.

Fake-brunette – I didn't come across your journal until later this past summer after you left a comment on one of my rant posts. You became a pretty regular reader and poster after that and I read you journal as part of my regular daily journal check. After the crash in December I was disappointed when I couldn't find a new blog by you. I was quite happy when I discovered where you were hiding. I wish I could have meet you in person, I have no doubt that you are just as beautiful as I imagined you are, if not more so. I hope you find the peace and happiness that you rightfully deserve.

That's all. I have given one of my friends the login and password for this page and all of my published and unpublished writing. I have given him permission to post whatever he feels should be posted as well as anything thing else he wants to share.

eo-per-nex

Just a short nap.

When I started this new blog I wasn't very fond of the templates, but I actually like this one now. The colour and style have a late 1800's feel to them that I like. And since this is a new blog it should be different from the one I had on JournalSpace. I actually rewrote the code for my old template to work here but I'm not going to use it. This one also fits better with the mood of my life right now.
My life right now. It feels like it's spiraling out of control and everything I do just seems to make things worse. It feels like the last time I fell, and that's not good. Last time I fell I hit rock bottom, I hit hard and I don't know if I can survive a second time. And if I do how scarred will I be afterward. The scars I have now, both physical and emotional, are hard to carry sometimes.
What I need is rest. Not just normal rest, but rest for my whole being. As Hamlet said:

“To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;

For in that sleep of death what dreams may come

When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,

Must give us pause: there's the respect

That makes calamity of so long life”

I just don't want the death part, I've had enough of that in my life as well.

I don't know if I'm coming or going.

I had a conversation with a friend about my journal. In the course of that conversation I was persuaded to not give it up. This was echoed by another friend in a separate conversation. So, in the interest of keeping my friends happy and not letting the chaos that has invaded my life to take over, I am going to keep posting.
One of my friends told me that, with things seeming to go crazy with bits of my life flying off in random directions, maybe I need this outlet more than I realize. Maybe she's right. I guess there's only one way to find out.
Time to see how many more skeletons are hiding in the closet.